As I sit here typing in the wee morning hours, big black eyes staring at me in complete bewilderment over the fact that I will not allow sleep to overtake him, I reflect over the years of our marriage. Twenty one years ago we were young (only 20 and 21 years old), crazy in love, and idealistic. We had hopes and dreams and were completely unsuspecting. We had ideas of what would be our life. Those ideas missed the mark of reality by a long shot. Children were definitely in our plans, but disabilities and child death never even entered the scope of our imagination.
I suppose that we entertained thoughts of having a strong marriage but we never had a clue of just how strong we would have to be together. Sticking together then was dramatically different than what it is today.
I won't pretend to have a perfect marriage. We don't. We have weaknesses, character flaws, communication issues and things that drive us crazy about each other. Still, tonight as I type, weariness oozing from my mind and body, there is one thing that stands out above all else. Jim and I have learned that we can do hard things.
I marvel at the awareness that 21 years ago, as Jim and I pledged our lives to one another, our Lord knew exactly what was in store for us. He knew that ours would not be a typical marriage facing typical challenges.. He has not been surprised by a single one of Moise's problems or the wearisome effects that they have on us. For him, Laynee's accident was not unexpected or devastating. He is not surprised by the fact that our marriage has not been strengthened by great success or achievement, but by challenges so great that words defy explanation. He knew that the unspeakable pain of child death would bind us together in a way that nothing else has ever been able to do. He knew that, together, Jim and I would have to do hard things, the very hardest of hard.
Happy Anniversary, My Love