CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Monday, December 21, 2009

New Traditions: Not what I always dreamed of

I love setting traditions for my family.  We have a certain "special" breakfast every year for Christmas day.  We always open a couple of presents on Christmas Eve and then the rest on Christmas morning.  We always make cutout frosted cookies.  The list goes on and it seems we keep adding new traditions.  This year is no exception, but the traditions we've added are not ones that bring joy and excitement.  We decided that Laynee needed a Christmas Stocking.   Sunday after church, we all drove to the cemetary and stomped through the pristine white snow to where the cold mound of dirt lay and placed a red stocking with a snowman on  it. How I wish that stocking could have been stuffed with fun little girl things...new pink toothbrush, first "big girl" panties, new socks, and little toys and candies.   Instead, the girls and I wrote "love letters" to her and Brock added a "moo" and a "hee hee" and placed them in the stocking.  I am fully aware that this traditon is not for her, but for us.  I know that she's not there beneath the dirt, but this simple act felt like something tangible that we could do to remember her.  Somehow it brought a sense of healing. Anyone wishing to place something in her stocking is welcome to do just that.

We also decided that each year that she is away from us we will  purchase a special ornament to remember her.  This year's ornament has an angel carved into it and says "keeping you close to our heart."  Earlier in the season we were given an ornament with Jesus holding an infant with the inscription"Safe in the Arms of Jesus."  We also received 3 ornaments as gifts today.  One was a white angel with gold wings.  My sister Rita and family brought us an ornament reminding us that she is "spending Christmas with Jesus."  and my niece Ashley brought an adorable one that is bright pink feathers made into angel wings for our "prettiest angel" So it begins that we collect ornaments that help us to remember our beautiful angel.  I never imagined that I'd ever have to establish traditions like this. 

We will flying to Florida tomorrow.  I truly am looking forward to the trip, yet something about this feels inherently wrong, as though I'm leaving a part of my soul behind.  It feels like I should be packing for her.  The truth is that she's probably closer to us now than she ever was while she was on this earth.  So why is it that she feels so far away?

The ornament that Rita gave us had a poem with it.  This is the same poem that was at the preschool Christmas Program .
 Merry Christmas From Heaven
I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I'll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, you still make me proud
you stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace
I came here before you to help set your place

You don't have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
Now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year

1 comment:

  1. I like the idea of the stocking very much. Please have safe travels, and we'll pray for a relaxing time, even a time of healing as we celebrate the coming of the One who comforts when you hurt so badly that you can't even ask Him. Merry Christmas, my friend.