CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Precious Girl, Silly Ways, Priceless Memories

How can it be that I am still finding "Laynee Things" around?  I guess because she was everywhere.  She was ornery and mischievious and into everything.  This morning, while preparing to go grocery shopping, I was checking to see if I had something in one of the lower pantry shelves.  I moved a couple of bottles around and noticed something towards the back that didn't belong.  I reached back to get it and my heart nearly stopped.  I had in my hand, a granola bar, still in the wrapper yet all chewed up.  Without question, this was Laynee's doing.  Just below that shelf is where we keep all of our snacks, granola bars, nutrigrain, oatmeal cream pies, etc.  Laynee loved that cupboard.  Sometimes she wasn't supposed to be getting into these things but she had a tendency to do it anyway.  Instead of seeking help with opening her goodies, she just chewed on it, wrapper and all.  I always knew when she was getting into the cupboard because she couldn't do a single thing gently and I'd hear the cupboard door hit the wall behind it as she threw it open.  She would hear me coming sometimes and throw the munched up treat back into the cupboard and slam the door shut, running as fast as her little legs would take her, thus the stray bar today.  Sometimes she would chew the desired treat beyond recognition and then throw it in the garbage.  Naughty??  Maybe a little, but oh so precious.  She didn't understand the concept of "not before dinner"  or "you already had one."  Since the other kids go to the cupboard for their own snacks, she saw no reason not to as well. 

After the initial shock of finding the offensive looking granola, I sat there, on the floor, my mind flooded with all of her little girl ways.  Joy and grief, laughter and sorrow collided as I remembered her.  I pictured, in my minds eye, her twinkling eyes as she would reach into the cupboard wondering if this time was okay for a treat.  I recalled how natural it was to her to go to the cupboard and grab a bag of chips, just like the older kids did from time to time.  The only difference being that she inevitably carried them upside down, leaving a trail behind her. She loved paper and would grab sheets from the desk drawer and carry it around, along with pen or pencil.  Eventually she would crumple up the paper and toss it in the trash.  How we laughed when she would help fold clothes by putting a pair of someone's clean underwear on her head.  So many times she would come from her bedroom with a pair of short's on, both legs in one hole and the shorts creating nothing more than a band around her waist.  I miss the foam puzzle pieces with chew marks, the pile of toys that she threw down the steps,  and seeing her tail end as she disappeared into the drier whenever the door was open.  I long to hear the girls yelling because Laynee had gotten into their bathroom cupboards and "Laynee, where did you put my lotion" or "Laynee stay out of my room."  There's no longer a need to close all the doors.  When in Daddy's office, she would pull everything from the drawers and climb into the cupboards, she fit perfectly.  Sometimes she would head for Daddy's file cabinets but that was one of the biggest NO, NO's.  While I was dressing Moise she would grab his shirt or sock and run out of the room, laughing all the way. 

So much laughter.  So much joy.  Everything an adventure, full of wonder and excitement.  She played so hard and then she slept so hard.  How I wish I could carry her warm sleeping form in from the car after a day of making Kathy, Karen, or Aunt Fern chase her around.  I recall the feel of her breathing soft against my face, the tousled hair, the smell of a little girl who played hard all day.  She would not flinch as I gently laid her in bed, her legs like wet noodles as I removed her shoes and covered her up.  So often Iwould stand there for a long time, just watching her even breathing,  marveling at modern medicine, without which she would not be able to play so hard.   I would Praise my God for her as I kissed my fingertips and placed the kiss to her soft cheeks. 

I love to remember her, to talk about her, to write about her.  It hurts!!!! It hurts in a way that mere words can never describe but I so love to remember the beautiful things about Jalayne Grace.  Thank you Lord, for every memory and even for the hurt, for it is through this that I am reminded of blessed we have been.  If we had not loved like crazy, neither would we hurt like crazy

This pictue is so endearing as her face looked much like this
the last time I saw her. 

This is a great place for playing.  Lots of clothes and
warm too.

Better head out before someone finds me here

OOF!!  That's a tough climb

Wait a minute what's that? I didn't see that before

Oops!  I've been caught.


  1. Oh Karol, How I love your blogs - I was laughing so hard at the last one that I had tears running down my face. I don't know if they were happy or sad tears,but either way, I could picture every little stunt you described and I could see her little legs running to avoid any trouble she might be in. We have an orange and green foam ball that has "Laynee leftovers" all over it. We can not part with
    this ball, even though it looks like we have a house full of live mice. We love her little memories that seem to appear quite often and we thank God for the beautiful memories of our
    sweet Laynee girl. We continue to pray daily for peace and comfort for your family.

    We love you,

  2. What precious, precious memories...thanks for sharing them with us. Praying for you all.

    Rebekah Wagenbach