CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


This weekend is the annual Tremont Turkey Festival.  It is an activity packed weekend that comes around each year, the second weekend in June.  Thursday evening kicks off the events with the Miss Tremont Pageant.  The Turkey Festival is known for it's awesome injected and smoked turkey as well as it's huge strawberry shortcake and bed races.  All of the festivities will be wrapped up on Sunday afternoon with a parade.  For Tremont residents it is a weekend of hard work.  Our family will begin by helping set up on Thursday and continue helping throughout the entire weekend. 

As do most activities this year, the Turkey Festival comes with a heavy weight of sorrow.  Laynee was so adorable at the festival last year.  We took her and Moise on the carnival rides and she loved them.  I recall how she would wave every time the rides would pass the area where people were standing in line.  She barely had time to put her arm down and we'd pass by again and she would have to start waving again.  I can see her sitting in her stroller as I fed her from my strawberry shortcake.  I recall standing in line with her on Saturday morning as we waited for the pancake and sausage breakfast.  On Sunday morning we went to the community church service and she was a little restless. She loved the parade and couldn't get enough of the candy.  She stood in awe as "Bob the Builder" came up and shook her hand.   The memory of her sweetness this weekend is so vivid, I recall details down to what she was wearing.  My heart wrenches most as I picture, in my minds eye, her delight as she tasted her first lemonade shake up, and then her sour face as I gave her the lemon to try. 

The weekend will be filled with painful reminders of the emptiness that is in our hearts.  Happy, excited children will be everywhere, reminding me that mine is no longer with me.  I will hear the laughter of children and my ears will ache to hear that one husky little laugh that I haven't heard for so long.  On Friday the girls and I are working in the lemonade shake up stand and every lemon will have the image of Laynee's scrunched up face.  Shortcake will not taste as good as I will not be sharing it with her.  My lap will be empty on Sunday morning, void of a squirmy little girl. 

We will go.  We will work.  We will enjoy.  But it will not be the same.  It cannot be the same.  We will see many people whom we have not seen for a long time.  Old classmates often return for the festival.  Most likely I will have to answer the question "how many children do you have now?"  I may have to explain that my baby girl is in heaven.  Without a doubt I will have to answer the question "How are you?' from those who care and know not that it is an impossible question.  My heart will ache with sadness but I will do my best to enjoy.  I will be surrounded by people, friends of today and those from long ago, but I will not see the face that I so long to see. 

I love you sweet Laynee Grace.  I know your festival in heaven is much better that the hot, sticky Tremont Turkey Festival.  Your stroller is hanging on a hook in the garage.  I wish I could take it down and load it in the van for you.  I love you and miss you so much baby girl.


  1. That's a great picture, love seeing Moise and Laynee together. Special prayers all weekend.

  2. Your sweet one is living up to the name her nurses gave her in her first days (in 2007)--Angel Grace. I don't mean that she's become a cherub; it's just that she is and always be so adorable, Forever Love.

    I hope you find comfort anticipating your reunion at the Great Festival. King David was reassured by his confidence: "I shall go to (my child)." 2 Samuel 12

    Thank you so much for preparing your beautiful tributes to Laynee and turning your heart inside out, guiding me to develop more faith in the midst of tremendous pain.