CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Isn't there a saying that says something like   "stupid is as stupid does" or "stupid says and stupid is"  or something like that?  Obviously I'm not one to use the statement much.  In fact I really am not fond of the word stupid.  However, today I had an experience that has left me with no other word to descibe it ...... sometimes people say and do things that are just plain stupid.  I do not think that they have evil intent, their motive is not one of viciousness, they just do not think.  Their brain simply does not stop to think about how incredibly stupid are the words coming from their mouth. 

I have already had my meltdown over this.  Fortunately I was surrounded by great people who intervened and supported me.  As the day has gone on, my sadness has turned to anger.  I stand in disbelief at the cruel, callousness of some people.  I want to strike out and hit something, instead I pray for grace and love for one who, right now, seems very unlovable. 

This encounter involved a woman that I have always viewed as rather rude and borderline obnoxious.   She began asking about my children and naturally Laynee's accident came up.   The questions she asked were bold and heartless.  Her face was an ugly grimace through the entire dialogue. She appeared disgusted and not in the least bit sympathetic.  She kept saying "How could that happen?" "How did you let that happen?"  It felt as if the walls of the room were closing in on me and there was a loud rushing sound in my head.  I knew that I had to get away from this woman......and fast.  I was either going to faint or injure the woman.   I really don't remember much except that I left the room very abruptly.

I usually try not to make too much of the things that people say.  I know that as a general rule, people are trying to be polite, they do not know what to say and sometimes say the wrong thing.   However, there are times like this when a line is crossed and I cannot find it in me to believe that they were trying to be polite.   My guess is that she was trying to fish for information.  She wanted to know the answer to questions like "who was watching her?"  and "where were you?"  But her words came at as accusations.
"How did you LET that happen?"   This suggests that we walked away from Laynee, knowing she was in danger, and ALLOWED her to die.  I abhor any words, even if they were unintentional, that might suggest something so false.    There is no end to the number of times our family has asked ourselves this question, "how did we let it happen?"  This is a question that our adversary would love to destroy us with.  To have a human being, a Christian woman ask something so ridiculous,  can only be descibed as stupid. 


  1. I feel sick. Stupid is an awfully nice word for what this lady did. I realize this isn't very "Christian" of me, but I would gladly come and deck her if you decide not to do it.

    Honestly, an encounter like this feels like it comes straight from the enemy. How DARE she say those things to you?!

    I will join your lead in praying for her, but I am still angry.

    She wants to know how you could "let" this happen? Meanwhile, Laynee's death was a horrible accident, and this woman LET words come out of her mouth that never should have! How could she "let" THAT happen??

    Admiring your self control,

    Cathy in Missouri

  2. Karol,
    Apparently this woman doesn't realize what she is saying. God knows from the moment we are born, the moment we will take our last breath, and it all happens in his timing. To suggest that you had a choice in letting that happen is outrageous! Laynee went to see Jesus the exact time she was supposed to, chosen by God...not you or your family. How awful that you had to endure this. I'll say an extra prayer today for you all. ((HUGS))
    We love you guys!
    Jon & Rebekah

  3. The woman is BEYOND stupid. You're too kind. Thank God that you see this for the satanic attack that it is. May those words be PURGED from your memory. I'm thankful that you had friends nearby to intervene and pray you'll keep hearing words of peace and encouragement.

    Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 1:24-25

  4. Things like this you have to give to the Lord for He is the judge. Hopefully she did not do it intentionally. If she did I will pray for intervention so her tongue will be guarded next time. Some people just don't have common sense when it comes to things they do or say. There is not one of us immune to this and we all do it that's why we (sinners) are saved by grace. We need to become fixed on the fact that Laynee was takin from us on the Lord's timing and no one else's. Psalm 55:22 Today just as the leaves are blowing in the wind let those hurts do the same. It is sometimes easier said than done but with Christ all things are possible. Love you

  5. If you want I can be your strong arm. Just let me know and I got it. I wish that I could be more of a better person but my thoughts turn to violence and you would probably see my mugshot on the evening news. Does this person not know what amazing parents you both are and how shattering of a moment that this was/is for you and the family. I have never known better or more loving parents. When I would drop off Jacob I knew without a doubt he was safe and loved like one of your own. And I also knew that he was probably bathed and extremely lotioned. Love you guys dearly and know that you are amazing parents and no one would ever let this happen. Again, this person cannot know you and say this. Just let me know and I got it. Love you all.

  6. I agree you are being too kind to only refer to her as stupid. There are all kinds out there. I too have found that people say the most ridiculous things. I have to put space between myself and people who suck the energy out of me. You handled the situation much better that I would have.