CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Nothing Personal

Life is filled with what I call "aah ha" moments, those moments of sudden awareness. During an "aah ha" moment, matters of the mind seem to click into place and our eyes are opened to fresh realization.  Last week I had such a moment, a very profound one at that.  I have derived, from that moment, a new and entirely different perspective, one that I hope will stay with me until I see heaven.

I've noticed that often when someone experiences the death of a child, as time passes, they begin to fall into a victim role in their mentality.  The victim role manifests itself through thoughts such as:  "why me?" "how could God do this to me?" "what did I do to deserve this?" I admit that on occasion I have been guilty of asking such questions.  In the case of the death of a loved one, the victim role is misplaced and inaccurate.  In our case, Laynee was a victim of drowning.  I was not a victim, just a very sad, grief stricken mommy.  It is critical to know and recognize the difference.  As parents we view our children as a part of us, their lives intricately entwined into the very fiber of our being. When a child dies it feels as though a part of our soul goes with them. It feels much like a very personal attack on us. We tend to have hurt feelings and feel offended that God would do such a thing to us.   This victim perspective is dangerous as it allows the enemy to have a firm grip on us and he will devour us in this role.  He builds upon the lie that God is against us. 

 Recently, in my "aah ha" moment,  I was struck with the clear truth that Laynee's death was not personal at all.  Her death was not about me.  Even though she felt like such a part of me, she was her own individual person. Though our paths crossed in a most intimate way, the journey was not one and the same.  God had a plan for her life that was seperate from his plan for my life. His plan for Laynee was short,  only 2.5 years.  She would be born to earth on Jan. 30, 2007 and would be taken to heaven on Sept. 7, 2009.  In the time between, God planned for her to be cherished and treasured by our family.   His plan to take her was not about me, it was simply his divine plan for Laynee.  My God, in his great mercy and wisdom had a seperate plan for me.  Part of that plan was to bless me with the awesome priviledge of being Laynee's mommy.  Also part of his plan was to provide me with what I needed to withstand the onslaught of sorrow that would come as a result of the completion of Laynee's plan.  He would use Laynee's plan and the ensuing grief to strengthen me, to discipline me and ultimately......to refine me. 

When we allow ourselves to step outside the box and look at the big picture, to see ourselves as unique and individual entities, we can see that when he chooses to take our loved ones home, it is not about us but about his perfect plan.  Only then can we see that his plan for us is to shower us with love, mercy and grace in the shadow of death. That is about us............That is personal..............That is perfect love.  

For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD, "
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
 plans to give you hope and a future.
~Jeremiah 29:11~


  1. It is in the writing of these posts, that you gift all of us, with the lessons of perspective and deep abiding faith.Thank you for that.For sharing your girl.. love the pictures in the previous post and for your cyber friendship.such a blessing.

    Taylor,our daughter who just go back from Switzerland has had the "Heaven is for Real",in her hands nonstop since yesterday.Thank you again for that.In fact she was going to buy it for her Kindle and lo and behold I could hand her the hard copy.you should have seen her face when I handed it to her!

  2. So simple but unbelievably profound. There are many who I see hurting who have subscribed to these lies of the enemy... and it hurts to watch them struggle. The idea that its not about a slam against or punishment to the parent, so true but I have never looked at it that way until today.

  3. Karol,
    I love you and seeing you at work is such a blessing. It reminds me of the eternal perspective which really helps when it is crazy busy. Chris