CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

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Sunday, April 8, 2012

This morning I woke to the early morning light just beginning to filter through the windows.  My first thought, as it is every morning,  was that Laynee is gone, that it will be another day without her.  My second thought was that it is Easter, a day set aside to remember the death and resurrection of our Lord and his amazing gift of salvation to all mankind. I lay there in the morning light with a grateful heart, knowing that it is only by this gift that I have a hope of seeing her again one day.  My heart felt heavy as I thought of Mary, mother of Jesus, as she watched her son die in such a heinous way.  My brain cannot wrap around the joy there must have been on that resurrection day.  So much emotion, for all who loved him,  must have been packed into those three days and the days that followed. 

Since Laynee went to heaven, Easter has always been an especially emotional day for me.  It is a day filled with gratitude but also a day of intense longing for her.  I wish for pretty dresses,  new shoes, dye colored eggs and excitement over Easter Egg hunts.  I have Easter Baskets filled with candy and other good things for all of my children, all except one. I fill her basket, and will take it to her burial site.  A green rubber duck, a stuffed bunny, a chocolate bunny and plastic Easter eggs fill her basket.  I do it because it fills an inherent need to remember my child.  I do it because to not do it feels like forgetting.   I do it, knowing that in a few days I will go back and get the basket and that it will remain untouched.  I do it, even though it hurts, because to not do it will hurt as well.   I do it because the missing her continues day after day without relenting. Yet, even as I hurt I know that because of this, because of Easter, because of the resurrection, one day the pain of missing her will end.  One day, because of Jesus, she will run into my arms again.  But until then............


1 comment:

  1. Look at that little face - so much Laynee, even when she was tiny. What a girl!

    It is so hard to take in. I just want her back with you.

    She will be...but not soon enough for my taste. If I had it my way, you would already be together again. We all would.

    Still, Lord, I trust You. And with the timing, too...but you can speed it up, if You want...

    Thinking of your girl and of Resurrection,

    Cathy in Missouri