CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Year

The beginning of a New Year is a time of looking ahead, as well as reflecting on the year past.  As I look back over 2009, there is a part of me that wants to call it the worst year of my life, the year that our baby was taken so quickly from us. The year in which our world threatened to stop turning.  The year in which life, as we knew it, ended.    Like Noah's flood, our recent grief washes away all else and makes it nearly impossible to remember anything that happened, save this one heartwrenching event.  However, to call 2009 a terrible year, is to minimize the beauty that our precious little girl brought to our life.  I must remember that in 2009 Jalayne Grace Holmes, our beautiful little girl, our daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, whom the world may view as imperfect, danced for 8 months and 7 days.  She danced across our floors, in our arms, and in our hearts.  She lit up lives, both old and young.  She giggled, and laughed, ran, played, learned, as well as, taught and dazzled many with her radiant beauty and smiling face.  She brought sunshine to many lives. 

The Lord has blessed 2009 in many other ways as well.  Jim and I own and operate two successful business, even in the face of economic recession, because God is good.  We were part of the Easter Seals VIP campaign, raising money for children with disabilities, because not only is God good, but He works in the hearts of men, causing them to give of themselves.  Our five living children have grown and matured and blossomed, because God is good.  Our daughter Jamee was named an All State Runner in Cross Country and was part of the track Honor Roll. She ran an entire year, injury free.  She plays basketball, works part time at the coffee shop and is an excellent student.  Grant is learning to drive, worked all summer for his dad, and is also a good student.  He downed two deer in 2009, one with his bow and one with shotgun.  Jade was a brilliant student in 2009, earning near perfect grades.  She was also a two time state track medalist, as well as placing ninth in state cross country despite the fresh weight of grief that she carried upon her shoulders.  Brock, also a great student, continues to be his dad's shadow.  He's developed an interest in books and reading this year, something we've tried for years to instill in him. He ran his first cross country season.  Moise went an entire year without a seizure, major surgery, or illness.  A high blood pressure scare turned out to be nothing to be overly concerned over.   Through hard work and determination, he has learned things that no one would ever have dreamed possible. Our little deaf boy with microcephally and calsification on the frontal lobe of his brain, is learning to read.  All of this because God is good........ always, all the time, God is good and God does good.

As I have found with every trial that God has allowed in our life, difficult experiences allow for new and beautiful relationships.  Through the sorrow and heartache of Laynee's death, new friendships have been formed and many old relationships have been rekindled.  God is good.  This year has provided our family with oppurtunity and even necessity to view life, as well as death, from a very different perspective than ever before.  Heaven holds new appeal to each of us because Jalayne is there.  As we flew home from Florida on New Year's Eve, the Lord created a masterpiece of art for our eyes.  The sun began to set as we flew above the clouds.  The clouds, billowy and soft, lay like a plush carpet just below us while the sun in radiant color made it's decent.  The view from the window next to Jamee and Brock was stunningly beautiful.  On the other side of the plane, through the window next to Jade and Grant, darkness began to shroud around us.  On that side, the clouds below us were illuminated by the light of a huge radiant moon, which appeared to be close enough to reach out and touch.  Though this masterpiece lasted only a few minutes, it was awe inspiring. We were surrounded, on all sides by God's majesty.   It was the hand of God saying "Trust Me, I am good."  Jim, seated just behind me, said the words that were in the hearts and minds of each of us.  "Picture Laynee dancing across those clouds."  That night as we went to bed Jim said, "I wouldn't have minded if our plane had gone down right then."  My response was that yes, I had the same thought, all of our children with us, ready and waiting to see Heaven, to see our Lord and to see our precious Laynee girl.  Then, in the car on New Year's Day, Jamee shared that she had the same thought.  Because Laynee is already there, our anticipation for heaven is greater than ever before.  Our hope comes for the Lord, because He is good.

In summation, 2009 was not the worst year of our life, not by a long shot.   The most traumatic?  Absolutely! The most tragic?  Definitely!  The most sorrow filled?  Without a doubt!   Yet, not the worst, not if we choose to remember that God is Good and, even when we don't understand, God does Good

        And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus 
(Ph 4:19)

He shall have dominion also from sea to sea and from the river to the ends of the earth
(Ps 72:4)

A friend loveth at all times  (Pr 17:17)

....yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation
(Habakuk 3:18)

 Rejoice with them that do rejoice and weep with them that weep
(Romans  12:15)

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one toward another. 
(John 13:35)

Behold I am the Lord God of all flesh, is there anything too hard for me 
 (Jeremiah 32:27)

How great are his signs and how mighty are his wonders....
 (Daniel 4:3)

Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulation for you, which is your glory
(Ephesians 3:13)

It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not, they are new every morning. Great is they faithfulness 
 (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Be of good courage and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord 
(Ps 31:24)

Praise ye him, sun and moon: praise him all ye stars of light 
 (P2 148:3)

Look unto the heavens and see: and behold the clouds (Job 35:5)
But our God is in the heavens, he hath done whatsoever he hath pleased (Ps 115:3)
Dance In Heaven, Laynee Girl.  Dance for all of us here
God is Good, Laynee.  You know that better any of us

1 comment:

  1. Such a marvelous perspective. He IS good, all the time.