CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

She Ought To Be In Pictures

   I have always enjoyed taking pictures and consider myself a photographer wannabe. However, since Laynee died, even something as simple as taking photos has lost the joy and pleasure that it once held for me.   Her abscence is glaringly evident with every photo that I take of my children.

On our recent vacation I was struck time and time again with the reminder that our sweet little girl is not here to pose with the rest of my children. Each time the children gathered together in front of the camera lens I found myself mentally painting Laynee into her rightful place.  I would put her there on Jamee's lap, holding Brock's hand, or perched on Grant's arm. This was especially painful whenever pictures were taken of the girls together.  My third and youngest daughter is missing and will forever be missing and it hurts. 

Moise, of course, was not in the pictures either as he was not on the trip with us.  I've always disliked the fact that on our fun, sightseeing vacations Moise is never in any of the pictures.  Yet my mind knows the reality that Moise could never enjoy the long days of being outdoors, hiking and climbing in the hot sun.   I know also that when we return, Moise will take up his rightful place in the family photos.

 The void where Laynee should be is permanent.  She is not missing from the photos by choice.  She is not home enjoying being spoiled by babysitters, aunts, and grandparents.  She is not going to be with us on our next trip.  She has been taken from us in a way that seems cruel and unfair.  I know that one day we will be with her again, we will see her smiling face.  We will not need photos to preserve the memories.  The fact is, I want her here now.

I've added some pictures of our trip and while the average person probably cannot see it, my eye knows right where Laynee should be in most of these pictures.  Of course, I've added a few, not because Laynee would be in them, but because they are just fun pics.

And .............our sweet Moise on our last family trip


  1. "cruel and unfair" .. yes I would most certainly agree with that.

    Sending prayers of peace and strength to that oh so sad mommy heart of yours.

  2. Holmes',
    Your vaction looks like it was alot of Fun!
    In my mind, I can picture the spot where
    Laynee Girl would have been placed for her
    beautiful poise - We continue to pray for
    your healing, but are so thankful for the
    beautiful memories. Loved the picture of
    With Love,

  3. Thank you again for sending the beautiful pictures of "Mark". I am glad that he travelled with you on vacation.
    We, too, like to vacation and have some of the sweetest memories of all during those times. In fact, we had just returned from a two week vacation days before Mark's accident. The pictures from that time with him are almost too much to look at because we were all so happy...and oblivious to the tragedy that would soon bring our lives crashing down.

    I am barely making it still. Will this pain ever subside on this earth? I'm not sure that I can withstand the sorrow for the days the Lord will have me remain here. I eat, breathe and sleep my precious son and everything that I miss about him. How can there be no remedy? How can it be that he is not coming back to me? I still try and convice myself that at some point, he will return. It would be unthinkable if he didn't.

    Longing for heaven and the eternity that we will spend with our Lord and our children seems so distant. It is all that gets me through the day, but yet...so far away.

    Loving Laynee and Missing Mark,

  4. Thank you for visiting my blog today. Your story and strength is incredible! I will keep you in my daily thoughts and prayers. I am glad to have found another Holmes and a new friend!