CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Giving Thanks

As we approach Thanksgiving my heart struggles to find a balance amidst the onslaught of emotion we've all been facing.  We have so much to be thankful for but it's difficult not to dwell on the fact that last year we spent Thansgiving in Florida and Laynee was there with us.  It was her first trip to the beach, she had only recently learned to walk, and she was beautiful. Her laughter was infectious and she brought out the best in all of us.   This year her abscence leaves a wide cavernous hole in our hearts. 
Even though our hearts ache with sadness, we know that our family has much to be grateful for.  We praise God for good health  and the comforts of the home and land that we live in.  We keep in close contact with Moise's birth mother in Haiti and know that she lives in poverty, she lost her home to flooding and every day she wonders how she will feed her son and where they will sleep at night.  The things that we take so for granted, that we just know will always be there, would be great wealth to some.  It is difficult for us not to be grateful for how God has formed us and to have appreciation for basic bodily functions when we watch Moise struggle every day for  things that the rest of us give little or no thought to. 

I am so grateful that through this horrifically painful loss, God has so strategically placed people in our lives to offer support and love.  There have been so many who have held us up when we have no strength, prayed when we have no words, and reminded us of hope when hope seems lost.  I so appreciate Laynee's "other" mommy's, Karen and Kathy, who make regular visits in which we can be together. We are three women who have loved deeply, lost, and now grieve for one special little girl.   I love them for the way they loved my Laynee as though she were their own.  My dear friends, Ruth, Karen, and Georgia have braved wind, rain, and cold to ensure that I get exercise and that important endorphine surge so critical to staying out of the clutches of depression.  These three have prayed with me, put their arms around me, cried with me and laughed with me.  They understand that sometimes words are unnecessary and are not afraid of silence.  My bible study gals, Joyce, Janet, Sheila and Karen, who've been with me for so many years and so many life moments are always there as a constant source of encouragement.  They hold me accountable and keep me grounded in the Word, reminding me to keep looking up and Praising Him. Together we have "hidden his word in our hearts" and it is there in my weakest moments.  Of course, I thank my God for my wonderful husband and beautiful children.  Though Laynee is gone, we now have a new sense of closeness as, together, we walk through the valley of  "the shadow of death." We share a deep love and memories that even death cannot take from us. 
I thank my great God for every priceless moment of Laynee's life.  I am thankful for a birth mother who loved her enough to let her go.  I praise God that, as I look back over Laynee's life, I have not one single regret.  We loved her with everything we had in us.  We shared her that other's might love her.  We taught her, we learned from her and now we long for her. 

Most of all I am thankful for HOPE, for without this we would have nothing.  It is HOPE that keeps me from the downward spiral of desperation.  Each morning when I open my eyes and feel that now familiar pain in my heart, it is HOPE that gives me strength to rise from my bed.  There is HOPE in knowing that my God is Jehovah Rophe, the one who heals.  Somedays I truly wonder if we are going to be able to make it through this but I am drawn back into the arms of HOPE, knowing that the Lord is the strength of my life, the strength of my heart.    Habakuk 3:18  Yet I will joy in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

1 comment:

  1. Happy Thanksgiving, Laynee Girl-

    Your mommy mentioned that last year at this time you was in Florida and you was learning to walk-I believe that today you are running and skipping on this Thanksgiving Day. Your
    smile is huge and your hair is blowing in the breeze. You have hugs and kisses for all of us
    and you want us to be THANKFUL - because God is so awesome. He has blessed us so much! We thank him for Freedom, Faith, Friends, and Family. We thank God for all the beautiful memories we have of our sweet Laynee Grace!
    We Love You,
    Uncle Mark, Aunt Fern, and Guito