CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Praise You in this Storm

This morning I am thanking God for sleep.  I've come to determine that sleep is very under rated.  It is an unequivocal neccesity to well being.  There is no pill that can supplement, caffiene cannot take the place of, there is no replacement for good, undisturbed sleep.  Last night the weariness seemed to positively ooze from my mind and body.  Most nights, for me, are interrupted by dreams and heavy, burdensome thoughts.  Last night, as I lay my head against the pillow, I sent up a prayer...."Lord please allow me to sleep peacefully."  He answered with a yes.  Sleep, it may seem like such a small thing, yet it's abscence darkens every aspect of life. 

This morning after spending time in prayer, I opened my email inbox and found that once again God has given me hope in encouragement.  A dear friend sent me a very simple message that she was praying for us and that the song "Praise You in This Storm" kept coming to her mind.  She wrote the lyrics and though I have heard and sung this song numerous times, seeing the words in written form with no music accompanying it was a deep, moving experience for me.

In the months leading up to the accident, I , along with the girls in my bible study were convicted to thoroughly inspect our prayer and spiritual life.  It became clear to me that my prayers were significantly lacking.  I'd spent a lifetime coming to God with my grocery list of needs, wants and desires but  I lacked the all important act of praising him for his sovereignty.  The truth is that, while we are to make our requests known to him, he is far more aware of what we need than we are.  Slowly but surely I began to alter my prayer life from one of constant requests to one of praise and worship of my God and my creator.  I had no way of knowing it at the time, but with everything in me, I believe that he was preparing me from the trial that stood before me.  God knew that this trial would have the power to devour me unless I was conditioned to praise him in all things.  For several months I worked and struggled to remember to begin and end every prayer with words of praise for my heavenly father.  In time, I learned, I grew and my new prayer outline became automatic.  Words of praise flowed easily and unhindered.  When devestation struck, when my world seemed to crash around me, praise for my Lord came automatically.  On days when I cannot understand and cannot see his face or feel his presence, praising him still comes naturally.  It is my firm belief that it is this seemingly simple act of praising that has kept me from the clutches of depression and bitterness.  When the adversary says "this is not fair," I am trained to say "God is good."  When he says "you didn't deserve this,"  I know that neither did I deserve Laynee but Praise God, I had her.  Some may think that praise that is automatic is useless, that it is not from the heart and therefore, is not true praise.  This is not so, for the simple utterance of praise brings our eyes, time and time again, back to the cross. 

I praise God this morning for Lisa who so gently reminded me to keep praising my Lord and my God.  I am humbled even by the simple fact that I have a relationship with Lisa, for it is one that could only have been ordained by a mighty and powerful God.  Lisa is the adoptive mother of a beautiful little girl, Ryan Nicolai whom I had the rare pleasure of loving, with a mother's love,  for one month before I was able to place into Lisa's anxiously waiting arms.  Having come to adore Ryan, it was difficult to place her in Lisa's arms, yet I did so joyfully, knowing that Lisa's mother love would be great.  I cannot help but wonder, why is it so much more difficult to joyfully surrender Laynee into the arms of a Father whose love is matchless.

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
 I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

 I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

 As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth



  1. I cannot believe this is your post ... I almost sent this to you yesterday.This song and these lyrics sustained us,when nothing else seemed to help.They hung in Zoey's hospital room for 8 months as she underwent chemo.I blasted it in the car,over and over as I drove around town,especially in route to the hospital.

    May you too find peace in the lyrics and my His divine hand cover and keep you as you journey forward.

  2. Thank you for sharing encouragement.

    So glad your prayer for nourishing rest was answered.

    "I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."

    Psalm 4:8

  3. Karol, Lisa is my sister and she shared the link to your blog with me. I have been deeply touched by your posts. I am reading through them all from the beginning and this is how far I've gotten as of today. I have shed many tears of compassion for you and pray for your family often. Lisa has spoken of you often, first of all with extreme thankfulness that Ryan was placed in your home before her adoption. I am glad you are part of Ryan's life and remain a part of Lisa's life. Your family is extremely special and your Laynie was one in a million.
    Jamie Schlipf

  4. Looking back over your posts and this one jumped out at me. Your comment about being able to hand over Ryan because of the love that would be received by Ryan's new mommy... and why you struggle with "letting go" of your Laynie to her Father.... I would have never been able to visualize it, heartfelt it if you hadn't put it this way. I cannot imagine, and I will never say I could... your grief, your strength, your faith are unimaginable...just as our God is...but your sharing has touched me so and I love you for that.
    A friend shared your blog with me last year, and I read every one of them...she again shared it with me and I have read to this one, and had to write. I am praying for you today and loving you.
    Kelly Knepp