God Said "NO"

This past Sunday we sang a song  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcHvkxFJy8E&feature=related 
 It was a familiar song, one that we sing often, yet the words struck a chord in me this time.  Here are the words.

I lift my eyes up unto the mountains

Where does my help come from

My help comes from you Maker of Heaven

Creator of the earth

My brain seemed to get stuck on the words Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.  I was trasported in  mind to another day, another time.  I can clearly hear the words of a prayer from six months ago.  I don't know where we were, perhaps on the deck, or in the car, or at the hospital.  I'm not even entirely sure that it was I who prayed, though I think it was.  Regardless of who spoke the words, the prayer that came from the very depths of the soul was this......."Lord God, it was you who created the heavens and the earth and you can save my baby.  I beg you to let us keep our baby."  It is a prayer that I fear will haunt me for the rest of my days. It was a prayer of complete and utter desperation.  It was a prayer of pleading to a God who performs miracles. It was a prayer of belief in a mighty God mixed with disbelief that we were actually living this nightmare.   My God turns water to wine and gives sight to the blind.  My Lord, with the simple words "get up," raised Jairus' daughter from the dead.  In my heart and soul I knew, from the instant I pulled her from the pool, that Laynee was gone from us, but my God could bring her back to me.  He could!!!  But he didn't.  Does this mean that He did not hear my prayer?  Did He turn a deaf ear on the prayer of my heart? Did he choose not to answer? Was He even there?   Because of my humanity I admit to being tempted to see it that way. There is a part of me that wants to say "God didn't answer my prayer."  "How could He have been there and not answer my prayer?" Yet I know, that I know, that I know, that He was there. God did hear my prayer and He did answer.  The answer was "no." The answer that I sought was not the answer that He gave. For reasons that I will likey never learn, this side of heaven, my God said "no." As I've given thought to this in recent days, it occurs to me that because my Lord is full of compassion, it likely pained him to say "no."   Of course, I believe that there was great rejoicing as He brought my beautiful angel home to him, but for me, and for all of us who miss her so much, I suspect He felt sadness. As parents, we know how, at times, it hurts to say "no" to our children, especially when the subject matter is important to them.  Yet out of love, because we see a bigger picture, because we have wisdom where they do not, we sometimes have to say "no" and it hurts.  It hurts us because it hurts them.  God, in His infinite wisdom, because He sees what I cannot, said "no."   I believe that this same God, in His boundless love and compassion, hurt for the pain that we, His children would endure as a result of His answer.   

My God did not say "no" without promise that He would see us through.  Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.  Hebrews 13:5   His word promises that He has whatever we need to get through this.  My God shall supply all your need, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:19  Though Jim and I and our children have been faithful in holding each other up through this time of grief, we are human, with human weaknesses and frailties.   We are nothing and can do nothing for one another without our Lord.  Our hope of surviving this, our hope of seeing Laynee again, our hope for healing, is in Him and Him alone. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 1:12

    As the rest of the song says, I hope, and I pray, and I wait.  Someday I'm going to see my Laynee Girl again.

Oh, how I need you Lord, you are my only hope

You're my only prayer

So I will wait for you to come and resue me

To come and give me life