CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


As I reflect on the Easter season and all that it represents, I find myself once again viewing the death and resurrection of our Lord from a totally different perspective than ever before.  I now view it through the eyes of a mother who has had to give her child up to death. 

My heart overflows with the knowledge of the sacrifice that was made for me.  Isaiah 53:5  He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities...........and with his stripes we are healed.  What an awesome display of love.  It hurts to think of the pain that our Lord suffered for me.   My aching, mother heart bleeds for the pain that Mary, mother of Jesus, must have experienced as she witnessed such heinous acts being committed against her son.   She must have experienced all of the stages of grief that all humans experience.   Surely she stood in disbelief and must have had the thought "will I wake from the nightmare?"  How her arms and heart  must have ached for her beloved son.  Never before has it occurred to me the level of anger that must have overwhelmed  her.  And desperation!!!!!  "Someone help him! Someone stop this!  He is innocent!  He's my son!  STOP!"
She knew that her son was born of miraculous conception.  She knew that He was innocent, perfect, in fact.  She knew that her son was sent to save the world but did she know, before this, did she know that he would be taken from her at such a young age?  Did she know that the natural cycle of life would be disrupted and child would die before mother?   Did she know the suffering she would endure for the sake of mankind?    It is beyond the capacity of the human mind to comprehend how far reaching was the loss and suffering as a result of man's sin. 

As painful as it is to remember the death on the cross, I cannot feel sorrow when I think of God, the Father.  Oh the joy He must have felt that day.  He was bringing his Son back to him.  No longer would he feel the pain of seperation from his only son.  His Son had won.  He had finished His race. God the Father and Christ the Son were wholly reunited, together in heaven.  My heart cannot even imagine the joy and elation in heaven that day.

Our first Easter without Laynee brings deep, deep sorrow.  There is no need to buy a frilly dress in pastel colors.  No need for a special Easter hat or new white patent shoes. We have no brightly stained fingers from egg dye.   There is no little girl to run, exclaiming over the hidden and found Easter eggs. No precious, innocent child to share the story of the cross with.  My soul aches for my pretty little girl.  However, our grief is not without hope. Someday, I too will be reunited with her. I have hope of seeing my daughter again, because of this, the power of the cross.  

Happy Easter   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nwzt9jRUPNg


  1. I know just what you mean...

  2. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss of Laynee. I love looking at her pictures. She is so beautiful. Her bed head is one to compete with :) It is so very evident how much you love Laynee. What a blessing that God chose your family for her to spend 2 1/2 years with on earth. I will continue to pray that God keeps his arms around you and your family.