I opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling and feeling the sting of our reality, and my eyes caught sight of something new. Just yesterday, I had words painted above my bed to bring strength for each new day. Every morning since Laynee's accident has been much the same. Reality of her abscence slams into me like a crushing, mighty wave. The force is especially great on special days, like today. This morning, these words did not replace the hurt but they did remind me that there is a purpose far greater than what I can understand. I have a God who asks nothing more of me than that I trust him, with my heart.......with my life......with my precious child.
Although the emptiness of missing her is ever present, I have learned to go on, to enjoy life, to live and love in spite of the pain. Mother's Day was wonderful. It started out a bit rough with Moise having some issues that are very uniquely Moise. The girls went to the grocery store for groceries for the Mother's Day dinner they had planned. They also presented me with a Mocha Coconut Frappacino from Starbucks, which I enjoyed out on the deck. They (mainly Jade) fixed dinner and Jim grilled rib eyes. Grant gave me an assortment of delightful scents from Bath and Body. Brock gave me a sweet Mother's Day letter.
We spent the afternoon and evening outside, enjoying the fact that spring has actually arrived. The wild flowers were beatiful and my heart squeezed as I pictured a little four year old picking them and bringing them to me in her pudgy little fists. I was also quite enthralled by the masses of toads and frogs in our lake. Apparently it is mating season as there are hundreds of them and they are very loud. Jim and I enjoyed a long walk together as well.
At the close of this day, Mother's Day, another day without her I marvel at the fact that somehow we carry on. She was never out of my mind today. I miss her with every beat of my heart but I cling desperately to the knowledge that my God is God.
A few pictures of our day outdoors, right here at home. My favorite place in all the earth.
Geese have taken up residence on our lake
Enjoying time near the lake with
my firstborn, the one who
first made me a mother
I confess to being a little overly
enthralled with the frogs and toads on our
lake. I have many more photos but will
post them on my other blog. They
truly are fascinating.http://www.theholmeshome8.blogspot.com/
If blossoms are an indication, come fall
we should have quite a few of our own apples
My farmer brother likely does not appreciate the scene
below as I do. He would call them weeds. But for
today, with the sun setting behind them, these little
spreading purple flowers were beautiful
How could I not have a wonderful Mother's Day with
this kind of happiness around me?
LOVE this little boy so much
Happy Mother's Day to all