Mother's Day

As I awoke this morning and the fuzziness of sleep cleared from my mind, I was greeted with the too familiar heaviness of knowing my baby is still gone.  Lying there in the silence, I realized that it is Mother's Day.  I am mother of 6 but only 5 are here with me on this earth.  The sorrow that has been my constant companion for 20 months and one day, is there because I am mother to a child in heaven.  It is a truth that still manages to snatch the air from my lungs. 

I opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling and feeling the sting of our reality, and my eyes caught sight of something new.   Just yesterday, I had words painted above my bed to bring strength for each new day. Every morning since Laynee's accident has been much the same.  Reality of her abscence slams into me like a crushing, mighty wave. The force is especially great on special days, like today.   This morning, these words did not replace the hurt but they did remind me that there is a purpose far greater than what I can understand.  I have a God who asks nothing more of me than that I trust him, with my heart.......with my life......with my precious child. 

Although the emptiness of missing her is ever present, I  have learned to go on, to enjoy life, to live and love in spite of the pain.  Mother's Day was wonderful.  It started out a bit rough with Moise having some issues that are very uniquely Moise.  The girls went to the grocery store for groceries for the Mother's Day dinner they had planned.  They also presented me with a Mocha Coconut Frappacino from Starbucks, which I enjoyed out on the deck.  They (mainly Jade) fixed dinner and Jim grilled rib eyes. Grant gave me an assortment of delightful scents from Bath and Body.  Brock gave me a sweet Mother's Day letter.  

 We spent the afternoon and evening outside, enjoying the fact that spring has actually arrived.  The wild flowers were beatiful and my heart squeezed as I pictured a little four year old picking them and bringing them to me in her pudgy little fists.  I was also quite enthralled by the masses of toads and frogs in our lake.  Apparently it is mating season as there are hundreds of them and they are very loud.  Jim and I enjoyed a long walk together as well. 

At the close of this day, Mother's Day, another day without her I marvel at the fact that somehow we carry on.  She was never out of my mind today.  I miss her with every beat of my heart but I cling desperately to the knowledge that my God is God.

 A few pictures of our day outdoors, right here at home.  My favorite place in all the earth.

                                                                 

                                  Geese have taken up residence on our lake

Enjoying time near the lake with

my firstborn, the one who

first made me a mother

I confess to being a little overly

enthralled with the frogs and toads on our

lake.  I have many more photos but will

post them on my other blog.  They

truly are fascinating.

                                              http://www.theholmeshome8.blogspot.com/

If blossoms are an indication, come fall

we should have quite a few of our own apples

                                                

My farmer brother likely does not appreciate the scene

below as I do.  He would call them weeds.  But for

today, with the sun setting behind them, these little

spreading purple flowers were beautiful

How could I not have a wonderful Mother's Day with

this kind of happiness around me?

LOVE  this little boy so much



Happy Mother's Day to all