Another Mother

This morning I wrote a letter to send to Jalayne's biological mother as I have every year in the winter, around the time of the holidays and her January birthday.  I know that she is aware that Laynee was taken from us and I am thankful that I do not have to be the one to give this news to her but still, the letter was painful to write.  In years past, the letter was filled with all the news of the things Laynee has learned, how she's grown, how silly she can be, how she makes us smile, and oh how we love her.  Today, as I sat down to write I felt lost.  There were no words.  Every word in the English language falls hopelessly short of expressing our grief, our sorrow, our remorse, or the deep love we had for her child .  For me, there is an awsome sense of responsiblity for my adopted children.  The knowledge that someone has entrusted their child into my care, to love them, nurture them, to protect them has always left me feeling humbled.  To tell this biological mother that I loved the child of her womb with all of my heart, but I could not save her, has left me feeling grossly inadequate.  The letter expressed our deep regret in the best way that words could allow, but it was also filled with much gratitude for the beautiful gift she gave to us.  I hope that the words I wrote can, in some small way, convey to her that we gave every part of our hearts to our precious little one.  I hope she can read between the lines and know that we treasured and cherished every aspect of Jalayne.  Though I do not know the feelings of one who loves her child so much that she places them for adoption, my heart aches for her and for the others who would have adored Laynee as we did under different circumstances.  Yet,selfishly, I am so glad that it was I and my family who watched her grow and blossom for 2 1/2 years.  It was my family who was blessed
beyond measure by her simplistic radiance. We were the recipients of her wondrous hugs, her infectious laughter and heart melting smiles  It was I who had the awesome pleasure of being her mommy and being called "muum."  Thank you biological mother and thank you Lord Jesus for sweet Laynee Grace.