CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Reflecting on Christmas

Tonight I find myself reflecting on the Christmas Season, and the birth of our Lord, in a way that I had never done before we lost Laynee.  Since Laynee died, my mind  repeatedly mulls over one question...... Was it more painful for God at the birth or the crucifixion of His Son?    I can visualize the furrowed brows and confused looks as people read that question.  The answer seems obvious, does it not?   The Birth of our Lord and Saviour was the greatest, most joyous moment since the creation of the earth. Conversely, the Crucifixion was the most awful, gruesome, heart wrenching moment known by mankind.    It is for this reason that we celebrate these holidays accordingly.  The Christmas season buzzes with excitement,  while the Easter season is much more solemn, a time of reflecting upon the greatest Sacrifice of all time.  I ask the question again, did GOD experience more emotional pain at the Birth or Crucifixion of His only Son?  We feel more pain when we think of how our Lord died, but what about His father?

While this is certainly no attempt to understand the mind of God, or to add to or take away from scripture in any way, I cannot help but give deep thought to the question.  Obviously, God had a devine relationship with His son that is far beyond the capacity of human comprehension.  Yet there still had to be a seperation of body. The fresh pain of having to give up my sweet innocent child drives me to my knees as I think of the price that God paid when He allowed His Son to be born into this world.    The pain that Jim and I are experiencing is incomprehensible, even though we fully know that she is now in paradise.  We have the assurance that she is free of any afflictions, that she has no pain, no sorrow, no tears, but still our hearts ache with heavy sadness.   Imagine giving up your child, knowing  that he will be rejected, scorned, beaten, hated, shamed, and ultimately, murdered.  He knew that while on the Cross, Jesus would have to ask "why have you forsaken me?  He knew that by sending His son, He was sentencing Him to 33 years of  pain and betrayal, the likes of which, no human would ever experience.  I stand in humble awe at depth of this love.

At Jesus death God knew that soon, very soon He would bring His Son back home to Him.  I imagine that while he despised what Jesus was enduring, there may have been a sense of joy, perhaps even excitement,  knowing that the time of seperation was complete.  His Son had walked every step and breathed every breath that was ordained for Him.    The plan that had been orchestrated was complete.  Jesus Christ, His Son, had won His race. 

Just as the world sang praises to welcome Christ to earth, I know that angels sang when Jalayne was escorted into heaven.   The angels rejoiced because Jalayne had finished her race.  She touched every life she was sent to touch.   As my heart aches to give up my beautiful daughter, did God's heart ache to allow the birth of His Son?
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son  


  1. I've never before pondered this, but it is so beautifully poignant a concept. That God had a totally different perspective about Christ's birth, knowing what would follow, and how difficult it would be to walk through. So wonderful to consider, and it does make his sacrifice all the more humbling to me.

    Thank you for these precious pictures of sweet Laynee...priceless.

  2. Holmes'-
    Oh yes! How the angels did rejoice at the entrance of our precious Laynee Girl. Her Christmas picture last year was beautiful, but to imagine her Christmas picture this year with her beautiful gold angel wings and her dress of white. I can see her now - her beautiful smile and her bright eyes. There is no doubt that she is the prettiest girl in heaven. Karol, your blog was awesome-Thanks!
    We continue to pray for your family and every family that has lost someone they Love this holiday season.
    We Love You'