Wherever I go, there I am. I can fly to another part of this great country that I live in and yet, the sorrow and grief go with me. There is no escaping it. As Christians, Christmas comes regardless of where we go, what we are doing, or the level of sadness in our hearts. In Florida, the sun shines brightly, lifting my spirits considerably. The ocean tide sweeps in and out, it's vastness reaching further than the human eye can see, a reminder of how awesome and mighty our Creator is. The ocean serves as reminder that I am so small, a mere speck on the earth's face. I am nothing, I have nothing, I give nothing but that which my God allows. He gave my Laynee, one of the most precious gifts I've ever received, and He took her, exactly as He had planned when He created her.
On the beach, my heart clenches at the sight of little children toddling in the sand. Sun hats, shovels, buckets, smells of sunscreen, all remind me that I no longer have a tiny little girl. Oh how adorable she would be here. How fascinated she would be with the waves, and the sea birds.Yesterday I wrote carefully , in large letter in the sand, "Merry Christmas, Laynee". I wonder, can she look down from her place in heaven and see how badly we want her here with us? I noticed that many beach walker read the words there in the sand. One woman even stopped to read it aloud to her children. Yet no one, but our family, understands the significance of the words. It likely never crossed a single mind that those words were for a 2 year old in heaven.
We celebrate Christmas!!! Even here in Florida. Last night, Christmas Eve, my nieces, Amelia and Chloe, and nephews, Drake and Stoner, came to our condo to make and decorate cookies. This morning we ate our traditonal Christmas breakfast, we opened gifts, this evening we will be with exteneded family. We celebrate Christmas because it is Christmas, with or without our little girl sitting here beside us. Laynee Grace is not here on this earth but life goes on. No matter where we go or what we do, life continues on. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days and days to weeks. Holidays come and they pass for those who remain. We survive. Though every breath hurts, we survive.
We brought Laynee's bag along for the trip. It is filled with her swimsuit, sunglasses, pink jacket, Tennis Shoes and Sandals. Just right for little girls who should be going to the beach with family
Jamee, Moise, Brock, Jade, and Grant Christmas Morning
Jamee and Jade with the Angel Wings from Ashley.