CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

You might want to scroll to the bottom of this page and pause the music before playing this video.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

How Can It Be?

How can it be that our Laynee is not coming back to us?  She was just here, so full of life and love and happiness.  How can she be gone from us?  How can it be that we are not going to hear her laughter again?  How can it be that I will never feel the weight of her in my arms again?  How can it be that she will never hold daddy's hand again or ride on Grant's shoulders?  Is it really possible that Jade will never do her hair again and Brock will never take her on the golf cart again?  Can it be that Jamee will never hear the words she so longed to hear Laynee speak?  Our precious little girl who was larger than life, can she really be gone?

Are we ever going to wake from this horrific nightmare and find that she's right here where she is supposed to be?  Wasn't this all a big mistake?  Shouldn't we be swinging her in her blue swing?  Shouldn't she be here to play in the sandbox?  Hasn't this gone on long enough?  Isn't it time to go bring her back home?
How can there be so many tears?  How is it possible that this hurting keeps going on and on?  Why do the days keep moving on without her?  Why does everyone keep living when our baby is not here? Will all of the "why's" ever have answers?

The memories are not enough.  The pictures are inadequate.  Her untouched room is void of life.  Her smell has been lost.  We need her back. 

She is healthy.  Her pacemaker works beautifully.  She's hardly ever had a cold or a fever.  She never had the stomach flu. She has had all her immunizations.  She's such a good eater and has a perfect diet.  I feed her all the healthy foods and give her vitamins.  She sees all her doctors when she is supposed to.  Shouldn't she live a long, full, beautiful life?

We love her!!!!!  Everyone loves he.  She makes everyone smile.  She loves better than anyone other human being that I have ever met.  How can she not be here anymore?  How can she not come back to us. 
HOW ?????    HOW..........CAN......... THIS..........BE!!!!!!!
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3 comments:

  1. RKApril 18, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    I've no right words, but my heart prays wordlessly to God for whatever your broken heart needs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mommyof3giftsApril 18, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    I wish I could say that I had the answers. I wish I could tell you that is gets better, or easier...
    But I can't ...
    I don't believe we will have the answers, this side of Heaven.
    Hold onto the memories.
    Remember that precious smile.
    Know that one day soon... she will be in your arms agian.
    Till then, she is singing with Jesus... and playing with our sweet Brayden. (:
    Sending you prayers and hugs.
    Blessings,
    Michelle

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 18, 2010 at 8:51 PM

    Karol...every time I read your blog, my heart aches longingly for you. For ALL of you. I look at that precious little face and think "How can anyone NOT miss her." I met her once and I grieve for that face for you all. I let the tears stream down my face as I read your blogs. Your family is a precious part of my life, no matter how little we see each other, I think of you all almost every day. I wish I could just stop over and hug you, but I worry "Is that appropriate?" I love you guys, and I'm seriously here for you if you need just that....a hug, someone to just LISTEN. I know the ache of just needing people to listen and not talk. I hate when people don't give you that. Please keep your chin up...I cannot imagine the pain and the ache that floods through you each and everyday, but know that I am here.

    Your Cousin,
    Amy Gayle

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