My sweet Laynee Grace,
Happy Birthday, baby. You would be four years old today but instead, you are having your second birthday in heaven. What a special day this would be if you were here with us. It's hard to imagine that it's been four years since you came to us. You were so very tiny and so sweet. We weren't really expecting you but we fell in love with you right away. So much has happened in those four years, so much happiness and so much sadness.
I'm going to bake a birthday cake for you today. I will make it pink and purple, just how I think you would want it to be. We are going to send balloons up for you in heaven too. We will celebrate but it's just not the same without you. I know that you celebrate every day in heaven. I hope that you are getting to show Jamee and Grant's friends, Mike and Celine around heaven. I'm sure you celebrate every time someone new comes to heaven, even though it makes those of us here so sad.
I haven't forgotten about your other mother here on earth, the one who gave birth to you. I think of her all the time, but especially on your birthday. I think that her heart must be a little sad too. I always thought she and I would get to meet someday because she would want to see how beautiful you are. I guess that is probably not going to happen now so I will just keep praying for her. I'm glad that you can watch over her from heaven.
We miss you so much. I wish that I could hold you close to me and feel your arms around my neck. I wish I could smell your sweet little girl scent. I want to dance in the kitchen with you and hear you laughing. I never new that it was possible to miss someone so much, for so long. I never knew that anything could ever hurt so much.
We are all doing okay here. Time keeps going on here, even without you. We do all of the things that we have to do. The kids go to school, mom and dad go to work. We try to be happy but it's just so hard to be happy when we are so sad. Someday we are going to get to see you again and that makes us happy. We know now that the hurting is not going to get much better while we are here on earth. We are going to miss you all of our days here.
I try to imagine what my little girl would be like now that you are four years old. It is getting more and more difficult to picture in my mind how you would be. I do know that you would be beautiful because you are our princess girl. I also know that you would be so smart. You would probably know your letters and colors and numbers by now. I think that you would have a beautiful sining voice too. I wish I could know and not have to guess at what you might be like when you are four.
I found some special things for you at the store for your birthday. They are not the kind of things I really want to give you for presents, but they are good for a birthday girl who lives in heaven. I found little flowers and butterflys to stick in the ground they dance around when the wind blows. I also found a cute hanging thing that says "Princess of Everything." I laughed a little when I found this and knew it would be good for your birthday. Oh............ and I found the perfect birthday hat for my birthday girl.
I love you so much Laynee and I wonder, can you tell me, "Why do I love you so much?" I still think you are the prettiest girl in the world. I am going to come see you in heaven someday. Wait for me baby girl. I want you to hold my hand and show me all the things that you know about heaven. Until then, I will keep loving you with every beat of my heart. I will keep missing you with every breath that I breathe.
You are our forever love Jalayne Grace Holmes.
I love you
P.S Here's our favorite song. Let's dance to it okay. Because you're the prettiest, 'kay.
CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.