The year 2010 has come and gone. A year of immense sadness and great change. A year without Jalayne. It came and now it has gone..........without her. Last year has proven that the pain of grief is not alleviated by the passage of time. Though I was not aware of it at the time, at some point during the night of Laynee's accident, I stepped across a threshold that would separate one part of my life from another. The part of my life that had already been lived was dramatically different from the part that was yet to come. 2010 was the first full year of living this side of the threshold, the side on which I am mother to a child in heaven. I often wonder if I would recognize the woman who lived the other part of my life, so different was she than I.
It is certain that this year, like every year, will bring joy along with sorrows. It will be the beginning of life for some and the end for others. There are events that, even on this first day of the year, I look forward to. One of which is my firstborn graduating from high school and embarking on a new and exciting chapter in her life. However, I look forward to such events with the knowlegde that I will not experience them in the same way that I would have in the other part.
"Suffering breaks our world. Like a tree struck by lightening—splintered, shaken, denuded—our world is broken by suffering, and we will never be the same again." ~Nathan Kollar
As I reflect upon the closing of this first year without her, I am stuck between two absolute truths. One brings deep sorrow, the other, great hope. Both are irrefutable. I am one year farther away from her. I am also one year closer to seeing her again.
CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.