As I worked in the dirt. my mind lingered on Laynee, as I suspect it will be every time I work there. I longed for her to be there and wondered what she would be like now. I remembered her soft, sweet voice and could imagine her chattering along beside me. As I carefully tended to each plant I remembered whom each plant came from and, in the case of many, the reason they chose that particular plant. A start of small sunflowers was chosen because Laynee was like sunshine to all who knew her. One of the rose bushes was given because, while it is pink, it is not dainty and Laynee was most definitely not dainty. Another rose was given because, to the giver she was a "rose among thorns." Her Beauty Bush was given for obvious reason: because she was the "prettiest girl in the world." As I worked among the tulips I smiled to think of their blooms dancing in the wind and pictured Laynee and her cousin Shaney B dancing right along with them. Laynee left a legacy of love and it is witnessed in every plant. I look forward to seeing it bursting with vibrant colors, a beautiful and poignant depiction of the life she lived.
Aside from her grave, her garden seems to be the place where she feels closest to me. I found myself talking as if she were there, hearing every word. It is diffiicult to give words to the emotions that I felt as I worked. The pain was there with me all the while but it is not the same, life draining pain that it once was. It is more of a feeling of resignation, a knowing that life has been irrevocably altered. Even more than that though, is the sharp awareness that never again will anything in this world be enough. Life is incomplete........I am incomplete without her and will remain as such until I hold her again in heaven.
Somehow in the midst of all the sorrow, we have learned to carry on. God has been faithful. He has carried us, even when we couldn't feel his presence. He has allowed spring to unfold and in so doing, reminds us that when the harsh seasons pass, that which seemed barren and destitute can still have signs of life.
To everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose
under the heavens