CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

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Monday, March 21, 2011

Signs of Life

I spent the afternoon working in Laynee's garden. There are signs of life everywhere.  Tulips and daffodils have emerged from the ground.  Rose bushes have crimson thorns.  Mum leaves are forming fat mounds and her Weeping Cherry tree has tiny buds.  I broke off a piece of a branch from her Beauty Bush and was pleased to see bright green life beneath the bark. I am thrilled that so many of the plants have safely weathered the harsh Illinois winter. 

As I worked in the dirt. my mind lingered on Laynee, as I suspect it will be every time I work there.  I longed for her to be there and wondered what she would be like now.  I remembered her soft, sweet voice and could imagine her chattering along beside me.  As I carefully tended to each plant I remembered whom each plant came from and, in the case of many, the reason they chose that particular plant.  A start of small sunflowers was chosen because Laynee was like sunshine to all who knew her.  One of the rose bushes was given because, while it is pink, it is not dainty and Laynee was most definitely not dainty.  Another rose was given because, to the giver she was a "rose among thorns."   Her Beauty Bush was given for obvious reason:  because she was the "prettiest girl in the world."  As I worked among the tulips I smiled to think of their blooms dancing in the wind and pictured Laynee and her cousin Shaney B dancing right along with them.  Laynee left a legacy of love and it is witnessed  in every plant. I look forward to seeing it bursting with vibrant colors, a beautiful and poignant depiction of the life she lived. 

Aside from her grave, her garden seems to be the place where she feels closest to me.  I found myself talking as if she were there, hearing every word.  It is diffiicult to give words to the emotions that I felt as I worked.  The pain was there with me all the while but it is not the same, life draining pain that it once was.  It is more of a feeling of resignation, a knowing that life has been irrevocably altered.  Even  more than that though, is the sharp awareness that never again will anything in this world be enough.  Life is incomplete........I am incomplete without her and will remain as such until I hold her again in heaven.

 Somehow in the midst of all the sorrow, we have learned to carry on.  God has been faithful.  He has carried us, even when we couldn't feel his presence.  He has allowed spring to unfold and in so doing, reminds us that when the  harsh seasons pass, that which seemed barren and destitute can still have signs of life.

To everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose 
under the heavens 
Ecclisiastes 3:1


  1. Well,you know,I had ordered something for Laynee's garden ages ago.Went on back order and then was told,not available.i have waited till I have found the perfect thing.You know,the one thing that spoke to me and shouted,this is the thing.Haven't found it yet,so I will wait.Knowing the garden will be there waiting as well.

    Sending love as spring begins to bloom.

    Book arrived.Thank you.Prayers still for a sweet friend.The fight continues.

  2. Did you know that if you go to google maps and look at your address with the satelite you can see the garden? :) It looks really cool to see the peace sign from above. Love you. Christine