I love Laynee's name. I loved it from the moment we came up with it. We wanted her to have a "J" name so she would fit in with her sister's. I guess you could say we made her name up. None of us had ever heard the name Jalayne before but we liked the way it sounds and people are always making up names these days. So Jalayne Grace she was. "Laynee" seemed to just happen. I recall the first time that her "aunt" Karen heard me call her Laynee instead of Jalayne. She asked "do you call her Laynee?" For the first time I realized that the nic name had stuck. Karen loved it, saying "it's just perfect for her." And it was.
I loved telling people her name. I still love telling her name. I love hearing her name but am thankful that it is not a common name as it would hurt to hear it in reference to someone else. At times my ears seem to positively ache with the need to hear her name. Often, especially in the car, I will say her name out loud, just to hear it, to feel it's formation on my lips. People rarely refer to her as Jalayne. In truth, people rarely refer to her at all but when they do, it is almost always Laynee.
Tonight Jim and I, along with our two youngest boys ran a few errands. While standing at the checkout at Staple's, the song "I Got a Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas began playing. I cannot hear this song without seeing Laynee dancing to "that tonight's gonna be a good night. that tonight's gonna be a good good night. woo hoo" I commented to Jim that "this song reminds me of Laynee." The cashier asked "did you say Laynee?" After I confirmed this, she went on to explain that her daughter is Laney and that she loves to dance to this song. I just smiled and said "our daughter's name is Laynee too." Her response was that "it's a good name." We didn't tell her the rest of our story, that our Laynee is in heaven. Tonight it just felt right to let her think that our Laynee is at home, dancing in our kitchen. The young lady then went on to inform us that in French the name Laynee means "Sun Ray" and added that this meaning "is perfect." Of course, she couldn't possibly know that how totally and completely befitting this name is for our Laynee. She couln't possibly know that she was sunshine to our every day that she was here. There was no way for her to know that our days haven't been quite as sunny without her.
When I got home I decided to see for myself if this is true. I looked up the name Laynee and found the French and Greek meaning to be "bright light." I found also that the Hawaiian meaning of Laynee is "heavenly." The young woman was right. "It's Perfect"
Laynee....... our "bright heavenly light." How we miss your sunshine.
CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.