Your abscence has gone through me like thread through a needle,
everything I do is stitched with it's color.
WS Merwin
All that I can say is "WOW" in response to the overwhelming number of post comments and emails that we have received in Laynee's memory. Thank you to all who have shared how Laynee has touched you. This little unplanned project has turned out to be quite miraculous in that it has taken the desparate sense of loss and mourning and turned it into a bittersweet time of remembering our precious little one. Together we have read these memories of her in awe at the legacy she has left. We have laughed at the little rememberances of her. Some of the things mentioned we remember clearly, others we never even knew about. The general concensus seems to be that she was quite the bossy little thing. How can it be that a child who didn't evern talk still managed to be bossy? She also was, without doubt, the princess. Even in death she has impacted lives, for it is this that causes some to hold their children a little closer tonight.
I've struggled all way week with the feeling that "it's just not enough." Nothing has been enough to fill the wide gaping emptiness that she has left within me. I go to her room and look at her shoes, jackets, diaper bag, glasses, and clothes. I touch them and feel them. I bury my face into the softness of her blankets and bear. I smell her and sense her but it is not enough. I look at hundreds of pictures but they cannot fill the void. I go to the cemetary but she is not there. Nothing has been able to alleviate the cold, aching emptiness. Tonight as I prepare for bed there is a peaceful, bittersweet quietness in my soul. The shared memories are proof that though she is not here, her memory lives on forever. She will never, ever be forgotten. The written memories have poured into us, filling the emptiness like warm, soothing water. She has left her print on this world, in the hearts of so many. And for tonight, this knowledge is just enough. 
Once again I find myself so very sad that I didn't get the privilege of meeting Laynee while she was here with us on Earth. But I also find myself so very thankful that in her death, she blessed my family and me, especially, in that I have come to know your wonderful family and been so moved and truly changed because of you. God has used this little adorable bundle of energy and you all, her marvelous parents, even now to change the way I parent my girls, the way I trust God to protect them, and the way I see God's hand in the daily things. The ripples from Laynee's great big splash in the world will be felt for many, many years to come. Thank you, Lord, for the perfect plan that we still don't understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd Karol, I love seeing these pictures. I had wanted to see Laynee's room when we were there, but I felt that might be too intrusive. I love imagining her there. Can't wait to see her great big pink mansion in Heaven with the huge hee hee stable on the hill.