CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Birthdays for angels
Laynee is so heavy on my heart tonight. The waves of desperation that I spoke of in my earlier post are proving to be relentless today. One week from today, Saturday, January 30 is Jalayne's birthdate. I know how to throw a party. I can bake and decorate a birthday cake. I can light candles, string streamers, and blow up balloons. I can wrap presents and sing Happy Birthday. What I don't know, is how to recognize the birthday of a 3 year old little girl who went to heaven a few months ago. While we do not throw large, lavish parties for our children's birthdays, we always celebrate. There are gifts, special meals, cake and candles. The birthday kid always gets to choose where to have dinner out and on Saturday morning, that child and I go out for breakfast, just the two of us. I'm supposed to be going out to select a birthday gift for my sweet Laynee. I find myself wondering what would be her latest interest now. Would she still be carrying around her beloved heehee's and moos? Would she need new books because her's are worn from so much use? Would she be ready for new dvd's that she could sing along with?
On the birthdates of Moise and Jalayne, our two adopted children, my heart is always with the women who gave birth to them. I wonder if they remember that this is the day that they brought forth new life. Do they picture, in their mind's eye, the child that they never really had oppurtunity to know? This birthday of Jalayne's is no different. My heart wonders and aches for another mother. My prayers lift her up. Does she miss Laynee too?