Happy Birthday Prettiest Girl

Good Morning Layne,

"Laynee Bug, Laynee Bug HEY Laynee, Laynee Bug"  You are 3 years old today because it's your birthday.  Birthday's are special.    You can tell everyone just how many years you are by touching your pinky and thumb together and holding up your three middle fingers.  Like that.  It's a little different to do 3 in sign language, and that's important to know, but most people today are going to know 3 like this.  There are 3 candles on you birthday cake.  You can count them, 1,2,3. When you blow them out you have to take a really big breath , 'cause there's three now, not just two.   I bet you are so proud to be 3.  Mama is so proud of you too, but I miss you so much. 

I can't tell you stories about the day you were born because I didn't get to be there.  Remember that you had another mother too, a different kind of mother. The angels up there in heaven can probably tell you all about that day.  You are a lucky duck, because you get to have birthday parties every day for someone in heaven.  But today is your special day. 

I know that your birthday in heaven is better than the birthday party we have here, but I still wish you were here. I would hold you close in my arms and I would dance and sing "happy birthday to you."  If I close my eyes I can see you throwing your head back and laughing.  I can hear your laughter in my mind but I wish I could hear it with my ears. My heart hurts a lot because I want to see your big smile on your birthday.

You would get to choose where we go out tonight.  It's good to have your birthday on a Saturday because you get to go out ON your birthday.  I think maybe you would choose McDonald's.  They have the best chicken nuggets, don't they?  Do you know that silly Brock went in the play equipment the other day?  Grant and Guito told him to and he couldn't figure out how to get to the pink slide.  Now he knows though so he could help you find the pink one, since that would be your favorite.  All those balls at McDonald's, I'm not sure they have them anymore, but I sure know they would make your hair stand straight up.  You have to keep your socks on though.  You cannot play in the equipment if you take your socks off.   After you blow out all your candles you get to lick the cake and frosting off of them.  That's what the birthday girl gets to do.  No one else.  You get to pick what piece of cake you get.  I bet you would want the one with the big 3 on it so that you can remember you are not 2 anymore.  Daddy likes one of the middle pieces best, but on your birthday you don't have to save it for him if you don't want too. 

We got lots and lots of notes from people who miss you today.  You see, it's different here.  It's not like heaven where no one is ever sad.  Here we are so sad because we so badly want  you to be here.  Birthday's aren't the same if we can't see the birthday girl.  But all those notes from people, well they sure do tell an important story.  Many, many people said "I never, ever saw Laynee Grace cry."  or "I don't think I ever saw Laynee without a smile."  They are right too because even I hardly ever saw you cry except when someone left the house and didn't take you with them.  But on those times I don't think you were sad, it just ticked you off so that someone actually left without the princess of our home.   Then it was so neat to run to the dining room window and wave bye bye that your forgot about being mad.  All these notes told about people who are so glad they got to know you. Some of them are from people who are sad that they didn't know you too well, or not at all.  You wouldn't know what to do with all of this sadness.  Whenever someone was sad, you ran and gave them one of your hugs.  That cheered everyone up right away.  But when two people were sad you got pretty worried because you didn't know who to hug first.  All this sadness would have you really concerned I think. 

I think that you weren't here long enough.  I also know that God is much smarter than me.  You know, don't you?  You know why God wanted you in heaven.  Maybe he  decided you were too perfect to be down here with all of us who aren't perfect.  I really don't know but I'm trying hard to trust God. 

We are going to send some balloons to you today.  Pink ones.  You'll love those balloons and you can share them with some of the other kids up there in heaven.  When we send them off, know that every one of them is about how much we love you. We will put your Tiara out on your grave.  We know that you are not there, but everyone who goes there will remember that you were the princess, and like Danielle said in her note, princesses get what they want.  You can look down here and see your cake too.  A cake for our princess.  It's not a big party like the one you get to have in heaven but it means we love you so much and we will never, ever forget that you were the princess. 

Can you hear the song playing on the computer?  That is Jamee's special song for you.  Do you remember her singing it just before you got your angel wings? "From the bottom of my heart I'll sing to you."  It's hard to sing when you are not here but we try, we try hard to be happy and keep singing.  We know that you would want us all to keep singing.  "From the depths of who I am I love you."  That is how very much we love you, Laynee, clear down in the places that no one can see. "With everything inside I'll run to you."  Someday there's going to be an even bigger party than your birthday and we are going to run straight to you for one of your hugs.   It says "all that I've become I owe to you."  Well, really it's God that we owe the most, but he gave you to us so we could learn about joy and love.   "Nothing in this world can ever seperate us."  You are gone from us now, but we know that somehow you are still here and you always will be right here in our hearts.  "Nothing in this world could ever satisfy me the way that you do."  It seems like our hearts will hurt forever but we are happy when we remember you. You will always be our Princess, our prettiest girl. You are our FOREVER LOVE, Laynee Grace Holmes.  Our Beautiful, Beautiful, Forever Love. 

If I could, I would  touch your forehead with mine and look in your eyes, straight down to heart and ask you, like I always did,  "Laynee Grace, why do I love you so much?"
I love you with every breath that I breathe.  I miss you with every beat of my heart. 

I love you, I love you, I love you
Mama

PS.  I think that Laynee would love it if you popped in and visited her virtual princess birthday party at http://www.braskabear.blogspot.com/.  It's a stunningly beautiful party of princesses