Upon reading this one simple sentence, I was struck by the realization that there is no end to the "firsts." Our family has spent the last year living out all of the firsts without Laynee: first Christmas, first birthday, first summer, first angelversary. Those are the events that many people think about. There are so many other firsts that will go unnoticed by everyone but us. She will not experience her first day to kindergarten, her first school program or her first dance. I will not take pictures of her first bus ride or sign her first report card. She will never have her first loose tooth and I will never hear her sing "I have a loose tooth..........a wiggly, jiggly loose tooth."
It's easy to think on these things and feel as though I'm missing out on those all important firsts. However, if I allow God's word and His sovereignty to penetrate my heart and my mind, I know that I am not missing out anything. God ordained her life to contain exactly 2 years, 7 months and 7 days. When he created her he never intended for her to go to school, ride the bus or have lose a tooth. He intended for her to experience heart surgery, take her first steps, speak her first word and celebrate her first birthday. I never missed a single one of her firsts. I was here, praying over her, holding her in my arms, cheering her on and rejoicing in every moment. She is not away, in the care of another human being and experiencing all of the usual firsts. I was here when she made her exit from this earth. She is in the presence of her creator, experiencing that which the human, mortal mind cannot fathom. I stand in awe to think that someday our roles will be reversed and she will be there to celebrate as I take my first steps into heaven.
With everything in me I wish that she could be here to have all of her "firsts" but because she is heaven, I know that there is nothing that I am missing out on.
Man's days are determined;
you have decreed the number of his months
and have set limits he cannot exceed.