One of my greatest frustrations since Laynee's accident is my inability to focus. I'm not sure if it is a result of grief or the trauma but I have a very difficult time staying on task. Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is very unusual for me as typically I am a very focused, purpose driven person. One of my favorite leisure past times is reading. However, this problem with focus has even affected my reading enjoyment. I cannot read even a few sentences of a good book without becoming distracted. I have been given several books since the accident and I have enjoyed all of them, but I have to read them in short segments. The same is true with watching movies. Occasionally we will rent a movie on the weekends to watch as a family but I cannot keep forcused in order to follow the storyline. Needless to say, this is extremely frustrating.
The one thing that I am able to do and that I enjoy doing, is to write. Often I begin writing with one very simple thought and from there, the words seem to pour out of me. As I am not one to express myself well verbally, writing has often been my only outlet for all of the feelings and emotions. Sometimes I think that writing is the one thing that keeps me from slipping over the proverbial edge of sanity.
I come here, to Laynee's blog, and I share many of the emotional and spiritual experiences that we have had on this road of grief. It has become a sort of sacred place for me, a window into some of our deepest thoughts and feelings. I have shared, and in so doing, preserved many of the beautiful memories that we have of our beautiful little girl. The blog has become a chronicle of our journey through the valley of the shadow of death.
I have come to love and appreciate so many people that I have met through blogging. However, it has occurred to me that the only part of us that my blog friends know, is the grief and sorrow. There is no denying the fact that the sadness seems to flow over into nearly everything we do. However, there is much more to the Holmes Family than sorrow. In spite of the grief, we have a very normal, exciting life. We have failures and imperfections as do most families. We also have a great deal of happiness and excitement in our house full of teenagers. There is never a dull moment. Because I do not wish to use Laynee's blog to share the events of our normal, everyday life, I have decided to begin another blog. My main purpose in doing this is that it is an excellent way to keep record of events that take place in our life. I have decided to go ahead and open my blog up to anyone who would like to take a peek at the very normal life of "The Holmes Family." I'm still attempting to work out some to the glitches in the format, so please try to overlook the fact that some of the words and pictures do not line up just right.
CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.