Our anniversary didn't exactly turn out quite like one would imagine spending their 20th anniversary. Yet tonight, as I reflect back over the day's events, I can only smile as I realize how dramatically our perspective has changed in the last year. Our Lord has stretched us to what seems like a near breaking point, and in so doing, has made us much more resilient to the every day challenges that ordinary people face.
What would normally have been great frustration, began around lunch time as I went out to mow the lawn. I got on the mower, fully prepared to spend the next few hours mowing but the mower would not start. Jim came home a few moments later, with very little time to spend trying to start the mower and his efforts were unsuccessful as well. Our property consists of 8 acres so I cannot come home and quickly mow the yard. With a packed schedule tomorrow and Saturday and the ever shortening days, I really have no idea when I will find the time to mow the yard. This situation, in addition to the mower that needs work, would have left me in quite a tizzy a little over a year ago. I would have spent more than a little energy stressing over this. Today, however, it didn't even phase me. I walked away from the mower and took a walk with my friend. I am fully aware that the grass is badly in need of being mowed but I know also that it will get mowed sometime and this is such a minor inconvenience in the big picture of life.
Our being stretched continued as Jim and I went out for dinner to celebrate our anniversary. Grant had offered to babysit Moise and take him to Walmart with him, which we greatly appreciated. Jim and I enjoyed a quiet meal at Chili's. As we got in the car to come home, we immediately noticed that something was wrong. Our tire appeared to have been punctured and was flat as a pancake. We went to work changing the tire, only to find that the spare, which had never been used by us, refused to be removed from it's storage under the car. It appeared that the bolt, used to secure the tire in place, had been stripped and refused to come loose. Fortunately, my dear friend Karen, offered to come pick us up and bring us home. Jim will fix the tire tomorrow and all will be well. It is not lost on me that this situation, in conjunction with the lawn mower situation, would have seriously taxed me before Laynee's accident. Today I was able to laugh all the way through both of these situations, completely unruffled by either of them.
Tonight, at the close of this day I am fully aware that none of these things matter in the grand scheme of things. They are nothing more than things, a yard, a lawn mower, a tire, a car, all of them easily replaced, none of them worth fretting over. God, through the death of our child, has altered our priorities and our perspective about life. We have learned that there are situations in life that cause headaches and irritations. There are also those situations which cause deep heartache. Today's events did not cause even the slightest pain to our hearts.
It is all a matter of perspective.
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When I read this, I thought of how Corrie ten Boom described her change of perspective in a Nazi concentration camp: "I learned to see big things big - and small things small."
ReplyDeleteShe noticed the same thing you have, that the small things *stayed* small after that - because she had been hit so unbearably hard by the big things.
This was my favorite line of yours: "I walked away from the mower and took a walk with my friend." Amen to that. The grass can wait.
I enjoy what you share and find your thoughts so worthwhile. This evening, my young daughter was looking at pictures of your Laynee while I read. She began to cry and at dinner, she prayed, "Lord, please let Laynee's family see her again just as soon as You can. And Mark's family, too - let them all be together." You make an impact here & we remember you.
With love,
Cathy in Missouri
A very happy anniversary to you both.My husband and I celebrated our 23rd,this past May and I agree with all you have so eloquently written,in these last two posts.
ReplyDeletePerspective ... it is something I write of often.Ours came in the beautiful package of Zoey and yours came packaged similarly in sweet Laynee.In her life and ultimately,in her leaving this world all too soon.That lesson in perspective,is one I wish you never had to learn.But you have found a gift,in one of the most unimaginable places and that,that is incredible.
Will head to you new blog.Looking forward to reading about the rest of your beautiful family.
And,haven't forgotten about the little something for Laynee's garden.It was back ordered.Let you know when it ships.