Life Is Not Fair.

It seems unfair that Laynee died on a holiday. Not only was it a holiday but it was a holiday that does not fall on the same day of the month each year. So it is that the calendar has us remembering the anniversary of her death, not once but twice.

It is obvious by the content of the cards and emails that we have received, most people connect Laynee's accident to Labor Day. And they are right. They are absolutely right. I was constantly reminded of that dreadful day yesterday. As evening came upon us, I found myself reliving the horror of that Labor Day two years ago. Sadness settled around me and devastation took my breath away. As I stepped into the shower last night I had a sudden memory of doing that same thing late at night on Labor Day '09. I recall thinking how inane the concept of showering was in the face of my daughter's death. The duties and activities of life had lost meaning and significance in the span of one nightmarish evening.

Today I spent the day suspended somewhere between remembering the day after she died and the day before she died. In essence, today is both. It is the day after Labor Day but also the day before her Heaven Day.   The seventh of each month always brings painful memories.  With or without Labor Day, Laynee left us on September 7th.  It was that day,  sometime between 6:15 pm and 7:25 pm that our life became divided into "before" and "after."

This matter is trivial.   I know that.  Still, somehow it feels like another twist of the knife in my already wounded and hurting soul. Whenever I think of something being unfair,  I am reminded of the words of one of my college instructors.  The words were spoken many years ago, but left a lasting impact within my 19 year old mind and it rings clear to me today.  She said "Life is not fair, but life will go on."   When I ponder the idea of something being unfair, I look to the cross and there I find proof that, indeed ..........Life is not fair.

The problem of expecting to live in a perfectly fair world

 is that there is no grace in that world,

for grace is grace, only when it is undeserved. 

Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised