CS Lewis once said that "grief is like the sky, it covers everything." In recent weeks, our family has found that this is so very true. It seems that there is no right or wrong way to travel this path of grief. I have created this blog in hopes that some day we will be able to look back on our journey and see written proof that our great God never leaves us. God is good all the time.

Celebrating Laynee

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Friday, September 30, 2011

We Can Do Hard Things

Today Jim and I celebrate 21 years of marriage. I'll be honest, I have no visions of flowers, chocolates and fine dining dancing around in my head.   Jim and I have ushered in our anniversary in a rather unusual way.  Today Moise is scheduled for an EEG (sleep study)  in hopes of getting to the root of some strange things that have been going on with him.  So it is, that on the eve and very early hours of our anniversary, Jim and I have tag teamed to keep our very sleepy 10 year old awake.  Jim took the late night hours while I am taking the early. We do this per doctor's orders,  in hopes that he will sleep for his sleep study.  As far as tonight goes, our own lack of sleep, coupled with a long, out of the ordinary day for Moise and I, is probably not the best recipe for a romantic anniversary.

As I sit here typing in the wee morning hours, big black eyes staring at me in complete bewilderment over the fact that I will not allow sleep to overtake him, I reflect over the years of our marriage.  Twenty one years ago we were young (only 20 and 21 years old), crazy in love, and idealistic.  We had hopes and dreams and were completely unsuspecting.   We had ideas of what would be our life.  Those ideas missed the mark of reality by a long shot.  Children were definitely in our plans, but disabilities and child death never even entered the scope of our imagination. 

I suppose that we entertained thoughts of having a strong marriage but we never had a clue of just how strong we would have to be together.  Sticking together then was dramatically different than what it is today. 
I won't pretend to have a perfect marriage.  We don't. We have weaknesses, character flaws, communication issues and things that drive us crazy about each other.  Still, tonight as I type, weariness oozing from my mind and body, there is one thing that stands out above all else.  Jim and I have learned that we can do hard things. 

I marvel at the awareness that 21 years ago, as Jim and I pledged our lives to one another, our Lord knew exactly what was in store for us. He knew that ours would not be a typical marriage facing typical challenges.. He has not been surprised by a single one of Moise's problems or the wearisome effects that they have on us. For him, Laynee's accident was not unexpected or devastating.  He is not surprised by the fact that our marriage has not been strengthened by great success or achievement, but by challenges so great that words defy explanation.  He knew that the unspeakable pain of child death would bind us together in a way that nothing else has ever been able to do. He knew that, together, Jim and I would have to do hard things, the very hardest of hard.

Happy Anniversary, My Love


  1. Happy Anniversary my sweet friend.

    I often think that outsiders forget the stamina that it takes to withstand the effects that trials and tragedies take on a marriage, on a couple. I have said to Mark that if we could find our way through the last 5 years, we can find our way through the rest. I need to remind myself of that on some days.

    Sending peace to Moise, AFTER the EEG. We know all about those. No fun for anyone.

    Love to you from a distance.

  2. Beautifully written, Carol! Everything you said is so honest and realistic...it really is the trials and tribulations that truly bind us together as a family. I missed Moise today and hope that we find out what is going on with him...and that whatever it is...it is treatable. I hope that you all get some good sleep and have a wonderful anniversary weekend.

  3. Happy Anniversary - and thinking of Moise today, too.

    And Laynee, always, always thinking of you, as well.


    Cathy in Missouri