7:25

Today was an emotional day.  Jamee ran the state meet and, as some have already commented, she ran a great race.  This morning she said that her goal for today was to make "All State" which means to place in the top 25.  Just before the start of the race she was teary. For those who don't know, cross country is a very emotional sport.  There is a great deal of mental preparedness and it is physically grueling to run 3 miles at race pace.  Added to this,  it seems it's impossible to do anything without aching for Laynee Girl.  It was a splendid sunny day.  Jamee finished in 22nd place with a 3 mile time of 18:48.3.  She made All State for the second consecutive year.  She was very pleased but also very tired and ready to let her mind and body rest. I've attached a few pictures of the meet.

Today, the 7th day of the month, is Laynee's 2 month angelversary.  Tonight I got into my car and the digital clock read 7:25.  My heart came into my throat at the awful realization that exactly, to the minute, two months ago, Laynee was pronounced dead.  I hear the solemn words nineteen twenty five over and over and over in my head.  I recall  wanting to scream at somebody to "DO SOMETHING!!! SHE"S ONLY 2"  One by one the nurses and doctors stepped away and she was so tiny and so beautiful, so still and I was so powerless. I wanted her to get up, she needs to ride her heehee's again.   I remember the feeling of having to leave her there, it goes against every mother instinct born into us to walk away and leave our little ones.  I still struggle with that feeling every time I go to her grave, I don't want to leave her there.  I need to take care of her.

I  also remember the whispered words "God is good all the time."  In my heart and soul and mind I know that God is good but.......... He took my baby and it hurts so much.  I want her back.